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| la de da de da |
| 02.01.04 (11:43 am) [edit] |
lets see lets see.
step father is immobile bcuz of knee surgery (which is kind of a good thing cuz if he wasnt he would have gone over to my b/fs and kicked his ass or maybe that would be ok....we wont get into that right now)
went over to amigo hombre's house. very fun. chilled in the music lounge playing her guitar and watched power rangers. but then that got me depressed cuz of the pink one....u dont want to know
but yea, weird stuff going on b/w me and my b/f. he bascially said he wanted to take a break for my sake, and then for his sake, and then for both our sakes and then not take a break at all and just forget he ever said anything. LIKE FUCK I WILL!!!!
so im crying on my computer, trying to avoid my parents bcuz i knew they'd want to know what happened and y i was crying. but mom ended up walking in and yea. so i just broke down completely and 2 minutes later i see brian (my step dad) standing in the doorway.
see, bcuz of the surgery, hes not suppose to move except to go to the bathroom. but he got up anyays bcuz he cares and was extremely saddened and extermely pissed all at the same time.
so now im just kickin back, tryin not to think and fall into my own despair, not thinkin about my b/f and shtuff (which is really hard to do) but yea. im not mad at him. im just disappointed and confused and a little hurt (just a fuckin smidge :roll: ) so im backin off for awhile until he and i can get our shit together. i dont know.
i do know valentines is gonna suck ass this year.
although brian did get prescription OxyContin, a class 2 drug. that would be interesting....nah, forget it.
-CyberElixir
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| sundays suck ass |
| 01.25.04 (5:19 pm) [edit] |
i know! its been awhile since i wrote so here ya go:
another sunday. greeting and salutations motherfuckers! doing good? no? too bad!
tommorrow's monday. back to school to study for finals. i still havent done my Shinto religion essay. anyone? ANYTHING about the shinto religion??
eh, i figured i'd try.
i have to, no NEED, to print my self-portraits for photo class. critique is on tuesday and i got nothing printed yet. but thats ok. i can do it.
it was so weird developing my film. because it was a self-portrait asssignment, i had to take pictures of myself, but seeing 36 straight pictures of you, is REALLY weird. maybe its just because they were pictures of me...
ah, well in good news, i got to talk to my b/f all weekend, thank god!!!! major withdrawls. only 2 weeks and 4 days till i get to see him again (i hope). apparentely, his mom figured that she wouldn't let him see me unless is grades were good, which they are not. so until they are good, he has no cell phone (one of our means of communication) and can't use IM (our MAIN means of communication) so its all pretty shitty and fucked up. i swear if he doesnt come, im gonna shut myself in my room and cry. i need to see him. i love him.
haha! i can say all the sappy shtuff i want cuz this is MY journal, MY means for bitchin. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
wait, don't leave...hey come on...hey wait!!!
fine, i'll write to myself...
-CyberElixir
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| update |
| 01.02.04 (7:45 pm) [edit] |
ok, after killing a few people with a very handy '97 Glock (chill. it was a video game and they were zombies.) im came to the realization that theres absolutely nothing i can do to solve my problem except wait. (i dont want to talk about it, and i probably never will, so dont waste ur breath asking)
so, if i wait, it'll go away cuz i'll be older and be able to take care of it myself cuz i'll have a car and be living with my b/f and.......ok im done. u're probably REALLY confused but don't worry, cuz u're suppose to be. just skip this whole thing all together and move on, k?
peace in the middle eas'
-CyberElixir
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| melodramatic prose shit |
| 01.02.04 (5:30 pm) [edit] |
my life sucks. fuck shit
will elaborate later. first i gotta kill a few people, take my mind off things.
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| long time, no write |
| 12.22.03 (12:38 pm) [edit] |
howdy people. its been awhile since i wrote, i kno i kno. but im doing it now so BACK OFF AND STFU!!!!
ha, sorry about that. anyways, merry christmas, happy chanakah (however u spell it), happy kwanzaa, happy easter, etc. etc. happy whatever u celebrate. i got all my christmas shopping done, or at least as much as a poor chick with no job can get done. lol. um, had a couple of old friends come and visit. that was cool. just kinda been doing the same old shit otherwise.
i'll update more often, if any of u even read this!! lol. for now, peace, be safe and happy holidays.
lots of love
-CyberElixir
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| kinda interesting.... |
| 11.28.03 (4:58 pm) [edit] |
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| happy thanksgiving and all that shit |
| 11.28.03 (3:00 pm) [edit] |
well, my b/f came to see me for 2 days. it was awesome to see him again. im gonna marry him...lol. anywayz, im just chillin with family for thanksgiving right now. im kinda bored but ya kno, thats how it goes.
Hopefully I'll be coming back to you with something more interesting.
-CyberElixir
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| 6 months!!!!! |
| 11.15.03 (7:59 am) [edit] |
ok, everything is a lot better. 2day is cailean's and me's 6-month anniversary!!!! 6 FREAKIN MONTHS! CAN U BELIEVE THAT!??!?! compared to relationships nowadays (no offense to anyone) i think thats pretty good. and not only that but an LDR!!! nowadays a 6 month LDR is pretty damn good! i think this deserves a round of applause. *waits for clapping*
lol
-CyberElixir
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| AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! |
| 11.08.03 (9:35 pm) [edit] |
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boyfriend troubles....AGAIN!!!!!!! ugh, im so fuckin weird and paranoid and all that. i need major help issues. am i the only one going crazy about this whole thing?!?!?!? i mean, does he feel anything like that at all?!????
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| SEX IS LIKE MATH......... |
| 11.07.03 (8:26 pm) [edit] |
whooh! lots of shtuff to recap. ok here we go and i'll try not to leave anything out:
*rocky horror picture show on halloween night was awesome of course!!!! i won for best rocky-related costume. it was cool. i got a wicked belt and an Evil Ernie comic. my friend zach won for best generic too. that was sweet. i didnt get home untill about 3:30 am and then i had to take a shower and shtuff so i didnt actually get to bed until about 4:30 or so. and of course mom stayed up the entire time. shes seriously cool
*i play debra in shurtzy's (my theatre teacher's) most recent production entitled "daylight". shes a pretty cool character. ya kno, bad-ass, very real, she knos her shit. i have rehearsals mondays and tuesdays from 3:30 to 5:30 from now on. good thing i quit choir. (that reminds me..........) oh ya im also costume designer for the play. hehhehehe. im gonna make the main guys shave their head and wear tights *evil, devilish, yet sexy grin* MUHAHA!
*i quit choir. i was in one of the cities' choir but i cant focus on that right now. i need to concentrate on other shtuff first. i might join back up in 2 or 3 years or w/e. i dont know.
*and last but not least........16 MORE DAYS UNTIL DIANA'S BIRTHDAY AND MY BOYFRIEND COMES AND VISITS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! ME SO EXCITED!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
alrighty then, i think thats it. if i forgot something, oh well. gots to go. ttyl. ttfn!!!
-CyberELixir
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| Rocky Horror Picture Show!!!! |
| 10.31.03 (8:14 pm) [edit] |
!!!!!! HALLOWEENIE!!!!!!!!!
i love halloween!!!! its my absolutely, postiviely, most favoritest holiday of them all!!!!!!!! hehehe. this year im columbia from the rocky horror picture show. my friend gabe said, "u look so much like columbia, its scary." YAY!! guess i did a good job huh? my mom made it at like, 9:30 last nite. shes so incredibly cool!!!!!!!!!
i got casted in shurtzy's play!!!!!! schweeeeeeet!!!! more about that later.
2nite im goin' with some of my homies to see the rocky horror picture show showing at 11pm. anywayz, talks to ya laters.
-CyberElixir
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| i hate being me sometimes |
| 10.04.03 (5:07 pm) [edit] |
i hate being me sometimes.
i hate being the creepy chick who has nothing better to do then hang out with her dad and his live-in g/f. i hate being the "u can do so much better" smart-ass who procrastinates and doesnt do shit about. i hate being the totally over-zealous chick who can make a shit load of friends but can't keep any of them. i hate being the g/f who constantly thinks there's something else going on with her b/f but all she does is stand by and let that feeling eat her alive. i hate being the loser funny girl who isnt even funny and when she says something completely random in an attempt to be stupid-funny, shes marked for the rest of her life. i hate being a pathetic waste of air and space.
i hate being me sometimes.
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| smoke the ganji |
| 09.28.03 (12:19 pm) [edit] |
friday i went and saw "cabin fever" with my friends. the movie sucked ass but bcuz of that it was hilarious. i was cracking up! it was funny!
saturday i had an audition and then a YCE meeting. i get 30 bucks every time i go to a skool and give my little schpeel about YCE. yay!! easy money!
today im not doing anything but talkin to ppl on AIM, finishing my h/w and playing monkey island.
i kno, how exciting
-CyberElixir
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| annoying boobs!!!!!! |
| 09.24.03 (9:06 pm) [edit] |
blah blah. i had 2 classes today, just 2 1/2 hours of skool. right on. im used to it though. but n e wayz, i got home and listened to the the missing over and over again while doing my h/w. tons of fun!!! yea!! *thumbs up*
i have photo 2moro. thats awesome. i love photo. we get actual "outside of skool" photo assignments next week. i hope i get a nude one. *crosses fingers*
alright, thats all i got for 2day folks! my boobs r being annoying (thus the title) so i gots to go. damn things!!!
bye everybody!
-CyberElixir
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| shurtzy rox!!! |
| 09.22.03 (7:08 pm) [edit] |
well, skool still kicks butt. i had my first ballet class 2day. man, that was brutal. ok, it wasnt THAT bad. thank god for lauren!! and nicoles cool. so it all works out.
i had algebra 1st hour and biology 3rd hour. thats always a bummer. but zusy is cool. i fell asleep during biology, during the movie. i had already seen it anywayz. (i know, how pathetic) i was drooling too. i feel really bad for whoever had to sit in my seat in the next class. even though i wiped it off!!! LOL!!!
well, thats all i have for 2day boys and girls. ttyl
-CyberElixir
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| first day of skool!!!!!!!! |
| 09.12.03 (8:39 pm) [edit] |
yesterday was my first day of skool, and let me say one thing.....it kicks [b]UBER-ASS!!!!!! [/b](uber means major) its such an awesome skool. since its an art skool, theres this huge diversity of students. like punks, preps, metalheads, dancers, ect., ect. its so great. i mean, that first day, i just KNEW that metro was were i belonged. anywayz, i gtg. ttyl.
-CyberElixir
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| FINALLY!! SKOOL STARTED!!!!!! |
| 09.10.03 (4:51 pm) [edit] |
orientation ruled!!! i made some new friends. i gonna make a whole bunch more by the end of friday. thats just the kinda person i am. anywayz, zack is my theatre and photo buddy. (hes SOOOO cool. he's in the guitar class) jason's just my photo buddy. these cool sophomores, brittany, rego, and anna were really nice. i became friends with them too. oh, and i met this wicked chick, santina. (i know kick ass name)she walked into the office and i knew i had to become friends with her. she was decked from head to toe in black. i was like, "her and i r gonna be friends." shes really nice. not much of a talker but that won't last for long. lol. its really weird. she reminded me of my boyfriend. like a female version but different. it was kinda creepy.......
tell u about first day 2moro!!!!!!
sxrxnrr
-CyberElixir
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| another day passed, another brain cell destroyed |
| 09.09.03 (3:07 pm) [edit] |
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2moro's orientation!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank god!!!!!!! im SOOOOO flippin bored in this house! finally, i'll be able to get out and meet some new ppl. oh yea, thats all i need, more friends. i have about a ZILLION already. literally. that reminds me, i have to email my sister and 2 of my friends over in ireland. anywayz, oh yea. did i mention that my x-b/f who i was talkin to last nite, wants to come over to my house so he can see me? *sighs and rolls eyes* w/e loser.
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| wtf.....?!?!!? |
| 09.08.03 (8:08 pm) [edit] |
ok, the oddest thing happened to me 2nite. one of my x-b/fs called me. one i really dont want to talk to. he was trying to impress me by telling me about his permit and how hes got his own car and stuff. i was just like "cool", "ok...", etc. then he went on trying to impress me or make me jealous or something by telling me he has a g/f who he got laid by. my response: "ok...." :? and he had the audacity (dont feel like spelling correctly once again) to ask me if i got laid by mine yet like he was so much cooler cuz he got laid and i didnt. i was so ready to ask him "oh, so somebody finally laid that inch" LOL!!!! im serious. im not being mean x-g/f or anything. he REALLY is like an inch!!!!!! and he kept going on about how he had to get surgery cuz a CO2 tank exlpode and split open his arm, "that was cool." what an idiot! he kept reading me stuff from funnyjunk.com (which i've already seen a million times) over the fone!!! now i remember y im no longer going out with him. hes SOOOOO [u]FUCKING[/u] [b]STUPID[/b]!!!!!!! i mean 'disgrace to the human race' stupid. hes a dumbass.
im so thankful im not going out with him anymore. im in love with my current b/f now thank u very much! and hes not such a loser.
anywayz, peace out
-CyberElixir
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| lalalalala |
| 09.08.03 (4:26 pm) [edit] |
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i got up at like six this morning and just hung out. i went on the computer and at about eight i decided to try sleeping again. IT WORKED!!!! i actually slept!!!! it was cool. i know im pathetic. lol. anywayz, i did a little cleaning in my room, which is a miracle by me. and now im gonna go have a heart attack hiking a mountain in 100+ degree weather at 4 in the afternoon. sounds like fun? u can join e if u'd like. lol. alright ppls talk to ya lata.
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| blah blah woof woof |
| 09.06.03 (11:38 pm) [edit] |
nothing to exciting goin on here. im at my dads place right now. just sittin here doin nothin. oh well. my b/f texted me on friday to tell me to check my email and his blog (caileanalmighty.tblog.com) so i did and it was SOOOOO COOL!!! i mean, hes REALLY sweet and thats not the first time hes ever said stuff like that about me. its probably about the millionth and im not exatrating. (once again, dont feel like spelling, its too late) but everytime he writes something like that, even though its not the first, it just always makes me feel even more special then he already makes me feel (if that made ANY sense! lol!) i love him so much.
but lay off wenches cuz hes mine!!! step baaaack
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| Another day |
| 09.04.03 (4:07 pm) [edit] |
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boring day once again. this one wasn't that bad though. i was watching ms. doubtfire. (hey! thats a good movie when ur bored!!!) it was on tv, so i decided to watch it. w/e. anywayz, 5 more days till orientation, 6 more days till skool!!!! hallulejuah, praise the lord!!!!!!!! i just hope they dont decide to cancel for the year. *twitch* that would *twitch* not be *twitch* fun. *eye begins to twitch rapidly*
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| YAY!!!! |
| 09.03.03 (11:37 pm) [edit] |
ok, i talked everything out with my boyfriend, and we're even closer than we were before. (i didnt think that was actually possible) i love that guy SOOOO much. i trust him with my life, my soul and all my heart. tiger, my life would never be the same or as good without u.
as for support, becca...U R THE GREATEST!!!!! i love u girl! ur the bestest friend anyone can have. thank u so much. i dont know where i'd be without u helping me through.
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| total confusion |
| 09.03.03 (7:48 pm) [edit] |
:?
ok, i had that entry last nite about my boyfriend and then the update. take a look if u dont know wut im talking about. well, last nite, i was lying in both of those entries. i actually am sad and its about my boyfriend. not BCUZ of him, just about him. its really weird. i dont kno. im sooooo confused. i mean, im not gonna keep him from his friends or anything and i do trust him as a person. i just dont trust him as a guy, ya know? not the best way to put it but thats the basic roundabout. i mean, he just started skool again like i said, so that opens up a lot of oppourtnities (i dont feel like spelling correctly 2nite) and i want that to happen. i mean hes not just my boyfriend, but my best friend. we were best friends before we started going out. its just that, i love him and he loves me, but its so easy to find someone else where u live. in case u didnt know, he lives in california and i live in arizona. we see each other every once in awhile though. but anyways, i mean, theres only one of me but its possible for there to be someone LIKE me that actually lives in the same city as him, let alone the same state. but, thats just me. im just really territorial like that. i wouldnt say im controlling but territorial. ive just lost so many ppl i care about (not just b/fs) in similar situations. i dont know. all i know for sure is that i'll keep givin lovin til the day he pushes me away. i will never go astray. i just want him to be happy, with me....or not.
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| SO BORED!!!! |
| 09.03.03 (6:20 pm) [edit] |
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i hate that my school extended my summer by 4 friggin' weeks!!! it'd be cool if i had something to do. ya know, like if i didn't have a brain! cuz, i dont watch tv, i live in an 110-degree wasteland, in the middle of everywhere with freaky-dikey people ALL over the place and i've read every single interesting thing poosible in this house!!!!! my brother took all of the computer games with him when he moved and i don't have any good games for my out-of-date bogus game console i have hooked up to my parents tv. and the internet's only fascinating for so long. so basically im stuck. i tried sleep, but i shoulda known it wouuld do no good. its IMPOSSIBLE for me to sleep during the day (unless under certain circumstances). i can't believe im saying this, and im gonna be totally hypocritical about it in a few months but.....i can't wait til skool starts.
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